As you long for an understanding of who God may be, or you have no desire to know Him. You just may receive a son of your own. One to love and show all the things in life that you believe are right. You may have the chance to show him how much you love him, but the only things that he will believe will have signs that follow that you do. He will give you a grace period to be sure he is not being deceived by someone that does not like you. He will look too you for the Truth, and if it is not where he can find it, he will move on. You may be able to offer him all the things in the world, but if you cannot show him the Truth about love, all the things in the world will pale in comparison. Unless you can show him how to love and the Truth that will lead him to God, you will be to him as only noise with out meaning.
When he finds the Truth it will also be the Truth about you, and hopefully it will be what he longs for. Hopefully he will honor you, until he finds the Truth, so he may not have to go through the same things you have, to prove he could do better, than you have. Hopefully you will never be asked to deny him and all he has done too prove to the world who you are. Hopefully he will not find out all you do is for your glory and not his own.
You just may receive a son of your own, that will give you an understanding of God and His Son.